If you want to get ahead...

 ..don't wear a hat inside.

Hats are a) for keeping your head warm, b) keeping the sun out of your eyes or c) both.

They do not make you look cool, or some kind of enigmatic muso if worn inside. People will think you're a tit.

Barista (Maestro)

 Someone who has been taught how to operate an espresso machine is now afforded this highfalutin job title. Still only on minimum wage though ..

..unless! you become a 'Barista 'Maestro' at Costa in which case your the guy in charge of theoperators. FFS.

Guinness..

 ..if you didn't know it yet is the new fad drink for the (not so) discerning GenZ and Millenials. So its out with G&T  and in with the sub-standard Oirish stout, (Magners meanwhile remains just a distant fad memory).

Hang around any 'trad pub' in London these days and you can't help but overhear the more youthful clientele wanking on about how  Pub X serves the best Guinness in town - 'it's the way they keep it', 'they get it specially from  from Dublin you know' etc.. So let's get a couple of things clear

    1) Its a pressurised keg beer these days (in fact since the 60s*)  - it's almost impossible to fuck it up -     like opening a can. So no, Pub X serves precisely the same chilled crap as Pub Y.

    2) All Guinness in the British Isles has been brewed in Dublin since they shut the London Park Royal brewery in  2005. That said they are planning a MicroBrewery in Covent Garden no doubt to pacify the braying hordes.

* prior there was some real effort required to pour a decent  pint as it used a 'two barrel' process - one effectively provided the froth/head and a small amount of fizzy body and a much flatter barrel the main volume. The head was poured first left to settle and teh main poured down the side.

Gregg Wallace II

 Well, who'd have thought it? Greg Wallace is a outed as an uncouth wanker. Well 'Middle England' here for one, see below..

BTW does the fact I identified him as an odious little prick  nine  years ago afford  the same kudos as seeing Pink Floyd 'before they were famous'.

https://theglumrant.blogspot.com/2015/12/gregg-wallace.html

Beavertown 'Neck Oil' et al

 Ghastly, vastly overpriced 'craft beer' that supposedly tastes of fruit - something akin to a shandy of yesteryear but with an added  wanker surcharge. Want a decent pint of bitter - try a Black Sheep or something by a local brewery not owned by Heineken.

PS 'Neck Oil' FFS - nice one Grandad

Drew Pritchard

Smug, tortoise-headed, tedious, short-arsed, aldulterous, bullshitting twat.  Yeah I'm really into everything in the whole world too. 

Got your motorbike test, really? No thought not.

Paddle boarding..

 Did anyone ever devise are more stupid-looking, pointless water activity (for water-sports see Urban Dictionary) - get one for instant street cred reduction.