Real Men 'Moisturise'..

Err, no they don't.  Real men wash with soap, and if the occasion demands use shampoo on their hair -  the stuff you buy in a mahoosive bottle from Savers/Wilkinsons for 99p. So Mr Nivea no amount of adding 'for men' as a postscript to your girly product advertising or using stern-faced males models (probable queers) with tattoo 'sleeves' will convince middle-England otherwise.

The Marketing 'Periodic Table'

Many years ago during my chemistry studies we learned about the periodic table and the various elements  found therein you know, Hydrogen, Potassium, Iron etc.. - more recently however I have been made aware of a new breed of 'super-elements' only to be found in the latest gadget or ladies shampoo.

Behold ! Where once we had Egg or even Beer if I recall correctly, we now have 'Neutrillium' and wait for it 'Ceramide-R'. Where once upon a time your Iron would have a nice stainless steel soleplate it is now made of nothing less than 'Ceranium'.  Want to launch another 'me-too'  low-tech product and gain some marketing advantage - then don't be a dunce, give it some extra kudos by inventing a brand new element (extra points if your invention ends in '-ium' by the way).

Golly ! that's made me a little hungry, perhaps a yoghurt snack with 'bifidius digestivum' will soothe irritation - aaaaarrgh..