Olympic Games.

Am I the only one who feels that the Olympic Games seemed somehow more wholesome in the amateur era ? Indeed are all sporting ideals compromised by the advent of 'professionalism' ?

To me the Olympics was all about running jumping and throwing. My childhood heroes were the middle distance guys, Coe, Ovett and that chap from NewZealand who won everything before they arrived. Add if you wish Brendan Foster to the list, erstwhile, gritty but flat footed he still manged to win without the allure of big-bucks prize money.

Fo the past 20 odd years however the remit of 'the games' has changed into a ghastly circus, with medal-greed and win at any costs attitudes. When the London games was first  anounced I thought it might be nice to pop down and take a day out with my children, wander about maybe watch a bit of track and field - the heats of the pole-vault or what have you. You know, give them something to write in my 'What I did over the summer essay'. Little did I know that the 'I want to say "I was there !" crowd' would create such an unreasonable demand that the whole shebang would be price prohibitive and over subscribed even for a ladies rowing event in Nottingham.

Oh and just a quick word on beach volleyball while we're at it. Great fun I have no doubt, but I hope the fit ladies in bikins don't complain too much if they get observed attentively by the male members in the crowd . That's what men do, it's a consequence of millions of years of evolution -  like it or not. Err, and one more thing why is it that this Olympic games features BOTH beach volleyball AND  conventional volleyball (where incidentally competitors wear conventional sporting garb) - is volleyball so entrenched in the nation's pscyche that we need two varients of this, let's face it, mediocre sporting spectacle?

Professional sport, in my view, has edged out the have a go amateur. Thirty years ago, what we now term junior rugby (a sport I occasionally participated in), was thriving. Clubs in middle England would each be able to field 3 => 5 teams plus a colts (U-17) side with ease. Pubs the breadth of the country would ring out to the bawdy sounds of the rugby sing-song, and win or lose you'd celebrate with gusto. The same clubs now struggle to field 2 sides many have folded in the past 10 years. Some may recall a 70s/80s government initiative call 'Sport for All' that encourage all of us irrespective of ability to get involved.  What happened ?
did the Murdochs and Sky TV teach us it's easier and on the face of it more fun to sit in front of a TVand watch, drink beer than to participate - if so he's bigger tosser than even I gave him credit for.

A Fool & His (or Her) Money are Easily Parted..

At the behest of someone dear to me I have recently and somewhat reluctantly researched the phenomenon known as Spa hotels and short breaks therein. Now somewhat naïvely I'll admit I thought this might bear some relation to Spa towns, perhaps taking in the health giving waters or maybe bathing in a natural hot spring (a la the Baths at Bath), a bit of innocent albeit misplaced bonne sante - how wrong could I be ? I mean really !

I have heard about the euphamistic term 'treatments', of course I have, I'm married, to a lady. But, nothing, no nothing could have prepared me for the preposterous pomposity that these places reserve to describe their face packs. Here are some genuine descriptions, not from a Monty Python sketch I assure you..

Sample Spa 1) - Introduction..

The wonderful warming ambience of **** Grange, along with the freshness of home grown fruits, vegetables and herbs were the inspiration behind these beautiful and sensorial sublime journeys.

Sample Spa 1) - description of a face-pack

60 Minutes £75.00

Sublime Journey Facial:

This sublime journey starts with a double cleanse using a silkening milk

cream with the aroma of white flowers, followed by a gentle exfoliation using

a pineapple enriched enzyme peel. A delicious mask is then applied with

essential oils and flower extracts of rose, lavender, lily and iris to freshen and

decongest the skin and the treatment concludes with a sublime massage of

the face, neck and shoulders using and anti-oxidant enriched cream. A truly

sensorial experience.

Sample Spa 2) - Introduction..

Book yourself one of our signature spa treatments, designed exclusively for the **** Spa hotel by Decléor, combining the best of  **** spa traditions with ancient Celtic wellbeing secrets. Then wrap yourself up in a bathrobe, settle into a soft leather recliner, and gradually rejoin the world in the softly-lit comfort of our relaxation room.

Sample Spa 2 - description for a day's spa-ing

All Day Retreat

Mon-Thurs £300, Fri-Sun £310

Hot stone therapy massage (60 minutes) Vital eye treatment Jessana manicure and pedicure, 3 hours 45 minutes

Go on, rub your eyes and look again ! Yes that really is 300 pounds sterling they are expecting from you, all asked with a straight face.  What's more who the heck are Decleor who are so high and mighty that they think their 'slap'  is so special ? I'm not even going to ask what a 'Jessana' is, might cost another 30 for the answer.

Astonishingly,  judging from the sheer number of these rip-off joints that are plying their trade there is a market for this trite nonsense, recession or no. But tell me this whatever happened to the (women) who simply 'got on with it' ? Are they really a relic of times past, along with a whistling  milk-man and bottles of light ale ?

Family Law

Another 21st century affectation that serves to annoy me. Somehow replacing the word 'divorce' with 'family' and 'lawyer' with 'law' gives this pernicious industry some air of cosiness or well-being. You know, that kind of  'we're here to look after you' message that  independant financial advisors or estate agents who are selling on your behalf also give. However at all times you know the only one suffering is you as they sit back and get richer than Croesus.

Fortunately I have not had to avail myself of the services of these people but I know some who have, and there is no way to put a gloss on the divorce process. But to get shafted by some gurning legal professional along the way must really hurt.

Calabrese is NOT the same as Broccoli

Right let's set the records straight here. Brocolli is a British vegetable that 'over winters' and comes as purple or sometimes white sprouting variaties and jolly tasty it is too. The bland fast-growing imposter Calabrese that most supermarkets now foist upon us as 'Brocolli' is nothing of the kind. Let's be honest it doesn't even look all that similar.
Please write to your MP or start an online petition to have this second rate brassica renamed 'Calabrese'
or at the very least 'Calabrese Broccoli 'so that the nation knows wher it stands.

Celebrity Chefs..

How, when where ? I mean what on earth brought-on this absurd phenomenon. Cookery programs - no problem., the country need to be taught the basics of how to coddle an egg or make a victoria sponge, why not ? But do we really need to be exposed to this barrage of trite nonsense. Of course a chef is a respected profession that requires skill and tenacity but then so does plastering, and since when did we see this category of artisan rewarded with 7 figure TV contracts and gushing praise from misguided fanbois ? Huh tell me that !

If I want to be entertained then I will go and see a professional entertainer, a beat music combo, or a comedian maybe, perhaps even a play. But a sodding celebrity chef -come on please .. Likewise if I want to learn how to cook I'll bring out some re-runs of Farmhouse Kitchen with Dorothy Sleightholme, or maybe Patrick's Pantry.

Kerr - I blame you for perverting a nation !

Inane pronunciation of (foreign) place names

Can we have some consistency over this subject please ? Ever heard anyone on telly or radio pronounce Paris as 'Paree', Munich as 'Munchen'  or Rome as 'Roma' ? No ?! Though not. So why in God's name do we have to put up with crappy faux pronunciations of other less common place names ? I once sat through an excruciating travel report by Judith r*ddy Chalmers on the Hungarian capital Budapest which she insisted on calling 'Budapesht'. Frustratingly that's the only example I recall off the  top of my head, but I've heard more, I know I have, and when I hear them again - up they'll go.. if my names not 'middle England'.

'Aspiration'

This seems to be the word of the past decade and one which I have no truck for. Maybe it's only me but
this word (I can't bear to repeat it) seems to carry many connotations that I despise. Somehow it is different to mere ambition which indicates a willingness to work hard and acheive ones goals. Aspiration (aargh, there I've said it) to me is success at any cost, it's an avaricious word that 'thrusting' people seem to cling onto. At one point a local estate agent was trying to promote a developement of flats - they called them apartments of course - with the by-line 'Aspiration has a new meaning - 'The Winchester Edifice' or some such nonsense. Anyway I hate it and all those people who wish to 'aspire' to anything - especially if it's a black German executive car...