Empty calories - WTF ?

Calories are a unit of energy - of if you prefer the ability to do work. Nothing 'empty' about them.  They come from food containing carbohydrates (sugars) and fats and they are pretty much essential to life, but need to be balanced (as any 10 year will tell you) with fibre, protein and vitamins/nutrients. Stuck on a mountainside and fading fast?  - best not have any of those evil 'empty calories' then, try one of those tasty sanatogen vitamin pills - should have you back on your feet in no time.

Your mother knows what's good for you - listen to her. Not some pop-scientist c*nt spouting utter drivel.

Hipsters

From Google: 'The hipster subculture is composed of affluent or middle class young Bohemians who reside primarily in gentrifying neighbourhoods.'

Or as you might know them - 'Twats with beards'.

 

Gregg Wallace

So what's with the Dame Edna glasses and the slap-head. Think you look cool or hard ? Take it from me it ain't working. Just because you once played rugby for Pinner 4th XV doesn't make you hard, nor does beating up old geysers in posh restaurants cos they 'looked at my bird' - twat.
Oh and what about those poor fuckers owed money from your failed restaurant businesses - ever spare a thought for them ? £650,000 wasn't it ? No, I thought not.

What's not to like ? You, you talentless, opportunist, serial wanker-bully that's what.

Oh yeah and Gregg with an extra 'g' why for fuck's sake, why ??

Sky TV

A c*nt's trick and no mistake. I pay my licence fee to watch TV without adverts, why would I wish to pay through the nose to watch your bilge and still get the frigging ads - EH ??

I wouldn't cross the road to piss on Murdoch if he was on fire, and as for that nauseous toss-pot son of his..

..need I say more ?

'Discount' Supermarkets..

Yep that's Lidl & Aldi of course, and as Sybil Fawlty would might have said 'the reason that they're cheap is because they're no bloody good'.

Now, I'm not complaining too much about the fare which is of course OK but no more  than that. The issue is you can can get the same stuff at the mainstream supermarkets just as cheaply if you can bear the ignomany of picking up the 'Value' or 'Basic' brands  - its the same fucking stuff that Lidl/Aldi sell only not dressed up in colourful make-believe branding..

And you know best thing about shopping at 'Sainastescossons' - no bloody queues and plenty of staff.

International Man's Day

Yes, that's right - it's today! What's more according to this text (cribbed shamelessly from the comments to  a feminist article by the once amusing Richard Herring) - we do get a poor deal see:-

1) Male suicide rate: 77.1% - Female suicide rate: 22.9%
2) Male workplace deaths: 93% - Female workplace deaths: 7%
3) Average male life expectancy: 78.9 years. - Average female life expectancy: 82.8 years
4) NHS spending on female-specific health conditions (breast cancer, cervical cancer, ovarian cancer, etc...) is eight times greater than NHS spending on male specific health conditions (prostate cancer, testicular cancer etc...) despite the fact that male-specific cancers tend to be more common and more dangerous.
5) When corrected for (a) choice of degree, (b) choice of career, (c) overtime hours worked, (d) propensity for part-time work, and (e) willingness to negotiate higher salaries, the much-vaunted gender pay gap shrinks from 23% to almost nothing (i). Indeed, once these necessary corrections are made, statistics show that women in their 20s out earn men (ii). Moreover, women tend to report much greater job satisfaction than men (iii). This is reflected in the suicide statistics cited at the top of this post. The "Happiness gap" barely gets mentioned.
6) Male criminals receive 63% longer prison sentences than female criminals who commit the exact same crimes.
I could go on, but I trust the point is made. International Men's Day should get more publicity than it does, and not just because Richard Herring wastes too much time on Twitter.

• Sources for above:
  1) 'A Crisis of Masculinity: Men are Struggling to Cope with Life' - Daily Telegraph, 19/11/2014
  2) Census of Fatal Occupational Injuries Summary, 2013 - U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 11/09/2014.
  3) CIA World Fact Book.
  4) 'Men's Health Shock' Anthony Brown - Guardian, 08/01/ 2001.
  5) (i) '77 Cents on the Dollar Myth About Women's Pay' - Mark J. Perry & Andrew Biggs, Wall Street Journal, 07/04/2014 (ii) 'Women in their 20s Earn More Than Men of Same Age, Study Finds' - Guardian 29/08/2015. (iii) Gender Differences in Job Satisfaction - Randy Hodgson, Sociological Quarterly, Autumn 1989.
  6) Michigan Law Society - 'Estimating Gender Disparities in Federal Criminal Cases' - Sonja Starr.

Seumus Milne - Corbyn's latest partner in 'crime'..

The first and last entries from his Wikepedia bio..

'The younger son of the former BBC Director General Alasdair Milne, Milne attended Winchester College and read Philosophy, Politics and Economics at Balliol College, Oxford, and Economics at Birkbeck College, London University. His sister, Kirsty, who died in July 2013, was an academic and former journalist.^[9]
After graduating from Oxford University, Milne was the business manager of Straight Left, a monthly publication of the faction within the Communist Party of Great Britain which wanted the CP, according to Michael Mosbacher, to remain "on a solidly Stalinist path".'


'Milne married Cristina Montanari, an Italian-born director of an advertising firm, in 1992. The couple have two, now adult children, a son and daughter, who were educated at selective grammar schools.'

Not so much 'Champagne  Socialist' as 'Champagne Communist' then.
Ho hum..

Kate Humble - What's the matter with me ?

Dear, dear Kate should surely be Middle England totty fodder par excellence. Pretty(-ish), bubbly, does outdoorsy stuff, looks half decent in jeans even, yet I cannot stand the woman. Is it that she tries TOO hard to be super-duper, jolly-hockey sticks, too sweet that it's sickly. Yes, perhaps that's it.

I did start to watch the 'Building Cars Live TV show recently but 30 seconds of gushing Kate and I hasd to switch back to Quest. Is it only me ?

Jeremy Corbyn

A man who has spent his entire life in a socio-political bubble with far too faith in human nature. I see him as the kindly old  gent  who has just been to the Post Office to collect his pension - totally oblivious to the fact he's going to get mugged for it on the way home (or worse).

Come on Jeremy - wake-up ! It's a nasty, cruel world out there and trying to be  chums with the Ruskies aint gonna help you (or any of us).

BMWs with moustaches

My daughter recently pointed out a car advert that showed a BMW - with a moustache. She was looking of course at the radiator grille. It got me thinking though, especially as it was eerily familiar - to Adolf's own preferred tooth-brush style. Coincidence?  I doubt it !

Real Men 'Moisturise'..

Err, no they don't.  Real men wash with soap, and if the occasion demands use shampoo on their hair -  the stuff you buy in a mahoosive bottle from Savers/Wilkinsons for 99p. So Mr Nivea no amount of adding 'for men' as a postscript to your girly product advertising or using stern-faced males models (probable queers) with tattoo 'sleeves' will convince middle-England otherwise.

The Marketing 'Periodic Table'

Many years ago during my chemistry studies we learned about the periodic table and the various elements  found therein you know, Hydrogen, Potassium, Iron etc.. - more recently however I have been made aware of a new breed of 'super-elements' only to be found in the latest gadget or ladies shampoo.

Behold ! Where once we had Egg or even Beer if I recall correctly, we now have 'Neutrillium' and wait for it 'Ceramide-R'. Where once upon a time your Iron would have a nice stainless steel soleplate it is now made of nothing less than 'Ceranium'.  Want to launch another 'me-too'  low-tech product and gain some marketing advantage - then don't be a dunce, give it some extra kudos by inventing a brand new element (extra points if your invention ends in '-ium' by the way).

Golly ! that's made me a little hungry, perhaps a yoghurt snack with 'bifidius digestivum' will soothe irritation - aaaaarrgh..

Thai Curry

Coconut flavoured dishwater - yuk !
The only place of this fruit seed is in Bounty bars and Hawaiian Tropic sun tan oil.
What's wrong with a proper British Vindaloo anyway ??

Bear Grylls

Even my wife thinks he's a dick..

Engineers

One of my many followers has asked me to define this, here goes.

WHAT ENGINEERS ARE

Engineers usually (but not always) have some high-level qualification such as a degree or are sometimes time-served apprentices with some diplomas to their name. True engineers are often members of an appropriate institute such as the IET in the UK or IEEE in the USA. They design and sometimes build useful things (bridges, telephone exchanges, ships, TVs, Computers, Cars etc..).


WHAT ENGINEERS ARE NOT

Worthy folk as they often are Engineers are not garage mechanics or the people who install your telephone,fix your dishwasher or even install your new central heating boiler - these people (until 10 years ago or so) were known as fitters, repairmen or technicians. Their efforts are very much appreciated and they can often be ingenious and inventive BUT they are not Engineers..

Enough said.

Wiggins Wannabes

I ride a bike to work, most days in fact,  it saves me a modest amount of money and raises the heart rate a trifle which is purported to be good for me, and yet I don't have an irrestible urge to splash out on acres of  lycra or a carbon-fibre bike on any other amount of cycling-orientated frippery.

My bike, though hardly used, was I think a fall-out from the previous cycle fad of 'Mountain Biking' and built some time in the 90s - it cost me 18 pounds form our local auction house. The tyres were a bit bit perished so it now has some road tyres on it which when pumped up high roll quite well. It's a tool for a job.

BUT what job does all of the modern multi-thousand pound bike crappola serve? Do please tell!

In the past 5 years I see  nothing but fat blokes on spindly bikes grimacing and panting their way up modest hills like their life depended on it. Why ?? If it's purely for fitness purposes then surely any old bike would do, right ? In fact the cheaper and heavier the better surely. If however these clowns are somehow in training for the next Olympics (or indeed even the next club cycling event) then wouldn't it be better to shed a couple of stone in on-board-lard rather that a couple of thousand quid on some titanium, carbon alloy-fibre wizzo-wheels that save them just a few ounces in weight ?

But of course I'm missing the point aren't I - it's that lifestyle thing again. No different to attending a Div 1 footbal game in the 80s wearing a Sergio Tacchini polo shirt - probably the same set of  tossers with grown-up kids and (too much) time on their hands. Pah !

The Great Coffee Con (or Why You Should Get Down The Pub.)

The UK  is currently in the grip of coffee-shop mania and not the type you get in Holland where you really do get a decent  hit for your Euro. Everywhere you look there's a new Starbucks or Costa - they even have the temerity to open on former sites of that Great British  institution  - The Pub !
On the face of it the the reason behind their success is baffling to the middle Englander but let me explain..

Now that  supermarkets sell booze at knock-down prices (say 50% of pub prices versus 80% back in the day)  pub revenues have declined shamefully and thus  to pick up the slack, leisure industry corporations such as the mighty Whitbreads of Southill Bedfordshire have branched into coffee via their Costa chain, and it's easy to see why. Coffee costs less that 10p a cup to make - YES that's right a measly 10p or likely even less. If you consider taht you you pay £2.50  then  take a bit off for overheads and Messrs Whitbread and Co. pocket the best part of  two quid every time you set foot in one of their despicable metrosexual boutiques, and that's before you've stuffed your fat face with a blueberry muffin (no doubt whilst wearing your  ridiculous FatFace apparel). But then of course it's not actually  coffee that they're actually selling - if you really wanted a decent cup of Kenya's finest you would visit the nearest McDonalds where it's a fraction of the cost but still a decent product - no they're selling a 'life-style'. Hey look at me with my hand gripped my cardboard cup with 10ps worth of skinny latte - aren't I cool ? No, clearly you're a twat with more money than sense having been  brainwashed by the twin evils of Facebook and FOMO*..

Now spare a thought for the struggling  Pub Landlord - sky high rents, dwindling customer base (due in no small part to the fact this country is now appears to be largely populated by hen-pecked Muscle Mary's**) and a product with a margin of  closer to 40 % compared to the grotesque profiteering ( and non tax paying) of these chains with their close on 90% margins.

Now, as hard as a I try I cannot alone keep the pub market that we should all cherish afloat. Even with Nigel's help it's a big ask. So if you really want to be a minority style trend-setter  get down the pub before they all shut. You can probably even get a cup of coffee if you really want or why not try a forgotten Great British delicacy  - a pint of bitter with ham, egg and chips.

* I learned this one recently - it's all about the grouped mindset of the thick and hopelessy deluded - FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out. If you can correctly channel this powerful emotion you can sell anything from cell-phones to social networking, think grief tourism with pound signs attached..

** Metrosexual males that frequent the gym rather than the pub

Krispy Kreme Do-nuts

Not crispy or creamy- just nasty sickly sweet junk food. Yuk, yuk, yuk.
The 'emperor's new clothes' of confection and no mistake. Apparently it's all that Mourinho and Brand eat at their regular coffee mornings - say no more.